What Is Verbal Judo?
Verbal judo is a communication approach that uses respectful words, tone, and listening to redirect anger toward cooperation instead of meeting it with force. Verbal judo techniques give you structured ways to stay composed when a conversation turns tense.
The foundational ideas come from Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, a book by Dr. George Thompson. Thompson, an academic who became a police officer, developed the approach in the early 1980s. The Google Books catalog record lists the book, co-written with Jerry B. Jenkins, as published by William Morrow in 1993.
The name reflects judo’s idea of using the other person’s energy rather than resisting it. Verbal judo was designed for police, though the 2019 Giacomantonio study notes versions for recruits, correctional officers, and border security personnel. Its principles can also apply to frontline nurses, teachers, security officers, and customer service staff.
People often escalate because of stress, fear, or feeling unheard, rather than because they want conflict.
The Core Principles of Verbal Judo
The core verbal judo techniques rest on three principles. Thompson’s book frames the first as tactical civility, which treats respect as a de-escalation skill.
Tactical civility means showing respect, even when emotions are high. It doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior. Instead, you’re choosing your responses carefully to stay in control.
One of the key shifts in verbal judo is learning to respond, not react. Reacting is emotional and fast. Responding is deliberate.
That shift drives the book’s second principle, redirection rather than resistance. For example, if someone says, “You people are all the same,” a calm reply like “I hear that. Let’s talk through it” keeps the momentum moving in a more productive direction. Verbal judo focuses on creating space.
The third principle is voluntary compliance. When people understand the rules, feel respected, and are given options, they are more likely to cooperate without anger. This takes Patience, one of the 5 Core Competencies.
The 5 Universal Truths
In the book, Thompson describes five observations he called the 5 Universal Truths.
- People want to be treated with dignity and respect.
- They prefer to be asked, not ordered.
- They want to know why something is being requested.
- They want options, not threats.
- They want a second chance when they mess up.
Each truth comes back to dignity, which can help build Trust and Psychological Safety even in short exchanges.
Verbal Judo Techniques for Staying Composed
Self-regulation is the first of the verbal judo techniques to practice.
Thompson’s book calls mental preparation “Showtime.” Before a hard interaction, you take a breath and decide how to show up. That reset is a form of emotional regulation at work.
The book also borrows mushin, a martial arts mindset meaning “no mind.” It helps you stay free of judgment, ego, and distraction. You can hear an insult as a sign of stress rather than a verdict on you.
The book also teaches strip phrases, which acknowledge a jab without taking the bait. You might say, “I hear that, but here is the issue…” or “I understand, and here is what we can do.”
Ask yourself whether your response is about solving the issue or proving a point. If it’s the second, pause and return to the request.
Listening With the LEAPS Model
Listening can lower tension early, because upset people may want proof someone is paying attention. LEAPS, a separate listening sequence that pairs well with verbal judo, gives that attention structure.
The LEAPS model helps make this easier: Listen, Empathize, Ask, Paraphrase, Summarize. Each step gives the other person a sense that you are engaged, which is often enough to take the edge off.
You listen without interrupting, name the emotion, and ask open questions. To paraphrase, you might say, “So you waited 40 minutes, and nobody told you why.” To summarize, try “You need an update on your mom’s test and a number to call next time.”
These active listening skills let you validate feelings without agreeing with every claim. Saying “I can see why that was frustrating” acknowledges the emotion while leaving the facts open. Curiosity, another of the 5 Core Competencies, can keep the focus on needs beneath the words.
The Five-Step Hard Style, With Verbal Judo Examples
Thompson’s book teaches the Five-Step Hard Style, a sequence of verbal judo techniques for moments when someone refuses a reasonable request.
- Ask: Begin with a polite request rooted in respect.
- Set context: Share the rules and explain why the request matters.
- Present options: Describe the available choices. Always give the positive option first.
- Confirm: Check once more by asking, “Is there anything I can say to earn your cooperation?”
- Act: If cooperation still isn’t possible, move forward with the necessary steps firmly but calmly.
Consider a clinic receptionist whose visitor wants three people in an exam room that allows two. She asks, “Would you choose two people to go back with your father?” When he refuses, she sets context: “We limit it to two so the care team can work safely.”
Next come options: “Two of you can go now, and someone can switch in later.” If he still refuses, she asks the Confirm question, then calmly calls her supervisor. The same flow can help when de-escalating angry customers at a service counter.
General de-escalation guidance from the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA), which isn’t specific to verbal judo, points the same way. Its voluntary CISA de-escalation guidance for critical-infrastructure workers advises, “Speak calmly to demonstrate empathy,” and “Know your limits.”
If there is an immediate threat of violence or serious harm, follow your organization’s emergency procedures and involve security, HR, or emergency services. De-escalation supports safety, but it doesn’t replace safety protocols.
What Verbal Judo Training Can and Can’t Do
Tense encounters are part of many frontline jobs. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports 57,610 nonfatal private-industry cases of intentional injury by another person across 2021–22 in its BLS workplace violence factsheet.
BLS data show health care and social assistance accounted for 72.8% of those private-industry cases, which all required days away, job restriction, or transfer. The Bureau of Labor Statistics says its 2023–24 BLS injury release reflects an updated classification system that created a break in the data series.
The 2019 Police Practice and Research study by Giacomantonio and colleagues is an evaluation of Verbal Judo training in one Canadian police service. The Giacomantonio study found 5 of 15 coded behaviors improved significantly, with no significant use-of-force effect and no clear impact in complaints data. Those Giacomantonio results came from simulations after a shortened training, and the authors called them an initial indication needing replication.
Practice helps, so role-play phrases aloud with a coworker. Learning the behavior escalation cycle can help you notice frustration building and call for help sooner.
Other verbal de-escalation techniques include “when-then” limits, such as “When you lower your voice, I can help with the refund.”
Practice De-Escalation Skills With Peaceful Leaders Academy
At Peaceful Leaders Academy, our self-paced online de-escalation course covers how to de-escalate emotionally charged individuals while regulating your own emotions. Enroll today to start practicing.
